This list of redundant workers is not bringing me joy
Office closet cleanout reveals hidden gems and opportunities to let go
Is nesting a thing in perimenopause a thing? If it is, it is definitely happening to me.
On the day I was 14 days overdue with my son, I woke up at 5 am with an urgent need to scrub the bathroom. The tub, floor, sink, cabinet doors. Everything. We went into work, and within an hour contractions started. I needed to take care of that ring around the shower before he could arrive, I guess.
More than 16 years later, I’m driven to purge stuff. I’ve cleaned out nearly every drawer in the house, most of the closets, retired the train table to the attic, given away the bunk bed and about 100 books. There are no more markers that don’t work in my writing utensil drawer, and all the clothes in my closet fit.
But my office closet was daunting. It holds my shoes, my Goodwill donation bag, some old sheets, the off-season clothes, bins of old photos, and a folder of stuff I brought home on my last day of corporate work and closed up in a box.
I woke up last week at 2 in the morning, hot and restless. I imagined that folder calling to me, asking to be dealt with. Specifically, the list of the titles and ages of the people who were laid off in the same wave I was.
I had held onto it thinking it would be interesting to look back on someday. When I finally pulled it out this week, it did not spark joy or interest or even insight. I just felt sad. It wasn’t an artifact that would ever help me grow further or help me connect to a different version of myself. And the 102 page-list was printed on both sides, so I couldn’t even use it for scratch paper.
It was time for it to go. I heaped it into the recycling along with old client work and shredded statements of work from before I had Docusign. I filled the donation bin with hand-me-down curtains and gems like this dress from 2015 that I thought I had already gotten rid of. (See me in the photo from a company picnic.)
I’ve collected a lot of notebooks over the years at conferences and trade shows. I write in a few pages and then come home and use my standard 6.5”x 9.5” notebooks that I’ve relied on for nearly 20 years. I have a case of unused ones in the closet. Many of these went in the donation bin, but it was fun to look at the notes pages before I recycled them or put them in my inspiration folder.
While a lot of these items needed to go, the purge itself did spark joy. Like, when you get a haircut and at the end the stylist takes that razor comb to thin things out. That’s what I felt afterwards: lighter.
And I found some items that make me feel profoundly happy, like this picture of me and my mom sealing wedding invitations in 2005. We look so happy - because we were! This is now my favorite photo of the two of us, and I have no memory of it being taken. This was the summer she retired from teaching, and I was so lucky to have all her help. In September, instead of going back to her classroom she tracked down as many early fall leaves as she could and preserved them as decor for my October wedding. Thanks mom!
There were other delights in the great closet/drawer purge of 2025 - task lists my daughter made for herself during the pandemic and Hershey’s kisses that spilled when I was hiding Christmas gifts. Old labels from the last Scholastic Book Fair I worked before distance learning, and the box of wedding photos. The silk suit I had custom made when I studied abroad in China. Bits and pieces from so many important phases of my life surfaced and gave me a touchpoint back to myself.
“That Katie was so happy.”
“That Katie had her hands full.”
“That Katie had a lot of anxiety she didn’t even recognize.”
“That Katie had great hair.”
“That Katie was so in love.”
And I can feel that I’m still all those Katies. I’m still the Katie on the layoff list, too, but she is integrated now. That disappointment and and hurt has lost its teeth. She and I are both ready to let that memento go.
The picture with my mom brings me pure joy, and I don’t ever have to let that go. The picture with my team makes me smile. Anna’s pandemic lists make me fall in love with her all over again. I’ll keep all those, too.
I’m sleeping better this week. The CBD gummies are helping, and the cooler weather makes a difference. I am making big shifts in my business, and that swirls up all kinds of feelings. Being intentional about what I’m anchoring to helps me picture my future and move toward it. This Katie is a devoted wife, mother, and daughter. This Katie is moving forward in her business with purpose and alignment. This Katie is letting things unfold.
More stuff will accumulate from here, and in a few years I’ll be cleaning out that closet again. I wonder what the 2025 artifacts will be, and how future Katie will experience them. Subscribe to get the update in 2030 :)
What a great team photo! I too remember my work outfit -- worn many times -- although it's no longer in my closet. Those were the days when we had work clothes that were pretty much only appropriate for an office setting. Times and customs have changed! I'm thankful most work places now welcome a more authentic self in the workplace and finding that person is a continuous journey as we go through phases of life. Thanks for sharing!
Katie, if your need to purge remains unabated, our basement is a nightmare. And I’m pretty sure the box with my redundancy list is down there somewhere.